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Melanie Ess's avatar

I love the loving clarity of your posts. There is no shame in reclaiming our humanity. If I may share — I am 63 and “shedding.” My mother was first-gen American with parents from a tiny village on the plains beneath Mt. Etna in Sicily. They raised me for part of my childhood. I needed to go to Sicily and this summer, I did. Setting foot in a tiny place where everyone knows everyone else, where a stranger invited me into her home for lunch because I was lost in winding streets, where I touched the stone house in which my beloved Nonno was born — all was a pilgrimage I needed to make. In Mineo, Sicily I understood what my forebears traded for life here, particularly in the vacuous chain-link, two-car garage wasteland of the suburbs. I understood it in my bones, like my center of gravity was righted by being there. My chaotic childhood, my sense of lost young adulthood, my resistance to social climbing even as it was beaten into me, all made sense. Paesani from a tiny ancient place thrust into a society that gobbled them - their labor, culture, bodies, souls, language, and customs. I’ve been grieving since I returned. But I also have a little corner where I light a candle and honor them, the songs and poetry and first language I heard as a newborn. My grandfather was deemed enemy alien in WW II and never spoke of it. My grandmother worked in a sweatshop. I want my life to honor them.

María C.J's avatar

This resonated a lot. I’ve had this feeling of rootlessness my whole life, the feeling of not having “a people”, but I hadn’t heard anyone else talk about it.

I am Spanish, but I don’t think citizenship is the same as the identity of your “clan”. Modern nations are the product of what you explain, they are not ancestral identities. The Church was probably even more damaging in erasing ancient cultures.

In my case, reconnecting with an ancestral culture is very difficult. Spain was conquered by the Romans like 2300 years ago, there is nothing left from the native inhabitants: no language, no writing, just some ceramic pieces and broken weapons. The erasure was so early, and so thorough, that we barely know anything of the Iberian peoples.

Besides, Andalucía (where I am from) has a history of A LOT of peoples influencing or conquering this land: the Greeks, Phoenicians, Carthaginians, the Romans, several Germanic peoples, Byzantium, Arabs from the Middle East, Sephardic Jews, several waves of northern Africans…until the creation of a united ruling by the Catholic Monarchs in the 15th century.

I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint just one source of my identity, or an original group. I don’t have a tradition to turn to.

However, I’ve been really into prehistoric art and rituals for the past years, and I love it because it’s like that ancestral indentity we all share. The original spirituality—the connection with the earth, the worship of the forests, rivers, mountains, the moon and other animals. Of life itself.

So if you don’t have a clue of what your origins are, prehistory connects us all. Everyone comes from there. Sometimes I look for rock art in my area and when I find it, it feels profound. That’s my tradition 🌱🌲🪨🦌🦬🦉

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